Those Phrases shared by A Father That Helped Us as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger failure to open up between men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."